I didn't set out to pick a 2020 word but it ended up happening none the less. When I finally sat down with pen and paper it was the middle of January. Turns out 2020 was able to begin and keep moving without me tying up the prior year with a nice tidy bow. Who would have thought?
It felt good. Like, really good. I didn't just reflect on 2019 but I actually went back through the last decade. Where I have come from, lessons learned and where I want to go. It took me a long time.
I walked away with a few stand out realizations. For starters, I am proud of myself. I realized that if my 2010 self could see me now, she would be relieved, grateful and so damn proud.
I also gained a clear understanding that if I wanted to keep that growth momentum and reach the goals I’ve created, it is going to require something I have a tumultuous relationship with. DISCIPLINE.
That word has felt like nails on a chalk board for me. I want to push back against it. I think this is because I have always been a rule follower. I used to pride myself on knowing and choosing the “right” path. However, over time (and with the help of a trusted therapist:) I learned that in my persistent rigidity, I was not allowing myself the room to breathe or feel or discover. This all caused me to, essentially, crash and burn. I couldn’t keep that pace up. So I began to allow. Allow myself the things that I once restricted. And it was beautiful. Like all five senses come alive sort of beautiful.
Until I tipped the allowing scales. The pendulum has done the big swing and is now coming back to find some steadiness. I believe this will be found in the discipline my perspective has given new meaning to.
The discipline I am now craving is not rigidity. It is freedom.
In order for me to continue my growth, to show up fully for what life has for me, to be able to open my head to receive the bigness of it all.......I need to trust myself. I need to trust my own word. When I say I am going to do something, I need to know I mean it.
The discipline I am cultivating now is the freedom that comes from knowing I have my own back. It is knowing that I will show up for myself, no matter what. It is believing myself.
So there you have it. I have a word for 2020.
Unbeknownst to me, my sisters chose their own words for this year too. We actually all did this without the other ones knowing. There is something really cool about that and felt worth sharing.
Theses words are helping us simplify our intentions.
Liz...
My word is healing. I want all the healing in 2020. Like the deep kind. There’s no dark tortured past that I need to heal. Just the regular hurt, pain, trauma...same as most people have. Mine was turned up in 2019 so this is the year to heal. Myself first so I can help my family do the same. I have this mission of helping put forth into the world men that are whole. Men that work on their healing, so women don’t have to. I love the men in my life, but this is not a skill or practice that has been nurtured in past generations and it’s fucking time. I have four sons, and I want to be able to teach them by example how to regulate themselves and heal their hearts. Obviously this will not have a finish line when the ball drops in 2021 but you get where I’m coming from. Doing all the hard things in 2020. It’s uncomfortable!!!
Mary Kate....
Compassion (for myself)
I was asked recently if I was able to have compassion for myself. Particularly for some decisions I had made years ago, and my immediate answer was No.
Ughhh! I’m a compassionate person but why had I never thought to feel that way towards myself? I couldn’t get it out of my head. Why had I never thought that I deserved the same compassion I could offer others? To be honest my first reaction was it pissed me off haha. No joke!
I want to learn to honor and accept my humanness. Offer myself a little more kindness and be mindful of my thoughts of me.
Would love to hear how you are simplifying your intentions this year. What word are you claiming for 2020? Tell us in the comments. We are in this together!
