Who are your running buddies?
When I say running, I don't mean running in the sense of sneakers and pounding the track. Although both of those things may apply. I am talking about running through life. Who are the people you chose to get in stride with through all the small steps that make up the twisty, turny path of our lives.
I have tried the white knuckle, "I am fine", push other people away, way. In my bullheadedness, I brushed people off that were not only just willing but actually wanted to run with me. It wasn't because I didn't want their company. I loved them for trying.
If I was honest with myself, I knew that being alone was harder than necessary. I did it because I was scared of being seen. What if I let you in and then, instead of running with me, you got wind of my personal brand of "not ok" and bolted away, running for the hills, never to be seen again. I was safer to keep you at a safe distance. This feeling of "not ok" kept me hiding, it kept me small, and it kept me running in circles. By not asking for help when I needed it, pretending I was ok when I wasn't, trying to do it all alone.......I kept myself stuck.
I don't know if I can really go back to one specific moment that I had some skies opening, angels singing moment of clarity that got me to finally begin letting people in. It was definitely more of a slow build. It was trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results, ending up in the same place again and realizing if I wanted to move forward, I needed to try something new.
First, I had to learn how to stand still long enough (super uncomfortable) to be able to begin to listen. Like really listen. Holy, game changer. It wasn't long before I began to understand that we all had our own brand of "not ok" and in all actuality, this is exactly what makes us all more than OK.
I then had to learn to embrace the awkward vulnerability. It doesn't have to be awkward. But, for me it was. Still can be sometimes. Awkward is big part of my life :) But I keep going back for more, even in the awkward. I do this because life is just better with running buddies. I wish I had some profound words of wisdom to explain the why or give meaning to it all. My words for this are still sort of stuck in my throat. It's too real and too felt in the gut. I just know that the people, my people, that have run alongside me and allowed me to run alongside them, are my anchor. They are what keeps me grounded and what allows me to move through life with a faith that I can't quite explain.
Together we have forged new paths, carried one another, taken breaks to give each other some rest, taken more breaks to use the bathroom because we are laughing too hard, and have been so "not ok" together, that we surpass any resemblance of OK and go straight to kick ass, together.
We can all find ourselves doing lonely laps sometimes. It is easy to fall into a pace with our heads down. So, here is your friendly reminder to look up. We are here, ready to fall into your stride with you. Let's link arms and do this thing.
Love, Bec
