I am a complete introvert. I prefer an intimate conversation with one person over a group setting anytime, any day. Big groups tend to freak me out a little bit. I usually end up leaving parties early, exhausted, and craving my quiet comfy couch where I can take my time and process. I am a big processor.
Then, one might ask themselves, why the heck did I want to start Three Trees Sway. I mean, I pushed for this. I convinced my sisters it was time. Time to create a weekend away for women. Time to bring a group of strangers together into this prolonged social situation for a whole weekend. What??
Being in a room with a bunch of woman I don't know sort of terrifies me. Why would I want to intentionally throw myself into this self created discomfort?
I am not a glutton for punishment. I just know myself today. It took me a lot of years, through trials and tribulations, to discover things about myself that I not only could accept, but actually learn to love.
When we were kids, our parents would host a big open house party on New Year's Day. It was an all day affair. People coming in and out of our house, eating, talking, being loud and having a grand ole time. Most of that day you could find me up in my room with one of my cousins or a friend that I roped into coming.
Back then, this was not something I liked about myself. Actually, it was something I loathed. I didn't understand why I wasn't like my sisters. They were down there in the mix and having a blast. I wanted that. I was convinced something was wrong with me. I hadn't gotten the fun gene. I was unclear if I was just a snot, a chicken, or incapable.
There were times when I would involuntarily have to leave my room because my parents required me to say hi to someone or take the garbage out. This felt excruciating. I fake smiled the hellos while I did whatever chore I was being asked to do and just hoped I wouldn't be stopped along the way. I would then high tail it back to my safe space in my room.
There were also times that I would voluntarily venture out. Mostly this was to eat. There were things at this party that only came around once a year. They even ordered a hero. The one and only time we had a 6 ft hero in our house was New Years Day. I couldn't miss that.
But there was something else.
I had a secret. A secret buried so deep even I wasn’t privy to it's truth. It was many years before I came to realize, I actually liked my little outbreaks from my room. Yes, I still totally preferred my calm and quiet, but I sort of thought the little adventures outside of it were exciting in some weird sort of way. I liked to see it all. I would find a cozy little spot on the stairs that would allow me to get a bird's eye view of all the chaos. I liked to observe. I enjoyed watching other people enjoy themselves. I found something beautiful in it all. Even when I felt uncomfortable.
I have learned, I didn't miss out on the fun gene. I may not be the life of any party, but I too have my gifts.
Turns out, I am really good at seeing people. Not just looking at them. I am able to see you and appreciate you for your humanness. I feel and can relate to your moments of awkwardness and I can feel and appreciate your moments of basking in the spotlight. I love the party animals and I love the quiet corner peeps. I am energized by your victories and soothed by your vulnerabilities. I love seeing you being you. No matter where in the room you land, I am certain and so grateful to finally understand, there is room for all of us.
I have even learned to shake my ass sometimes too. So yeah, it may be short lived and over stimulating but it's also so freaking fun and freeing. As freeing as it is to come home to my comfy couch. There is space for either and or both.
The pressure I put on myself to be someone I am not, is checked. If it rears it's ugly head, I say hi and no thank you. It is just not welcome anymore.
Three Trees Sway Retreats are for the introverts as much as they are for the social butterflies. Whether you want to stand on the tables singing or watch from your comfy corner of the couch, whether you want to share your story with the room or would rather confide in your journal, there is a place for you at our table. Always.
I am so grateful to be a part of bringing all these gorgeously different women together. We need all of our voices, no matter how loud or quiet they may be.
Love, Bec
